What a Useless Tool(s)!

I'm jumping on Tomato's bandwagon. Herewith, my most useless kitchen tool: turkey turners.

In 1998, when we moved from Shanghai backback to San Francisco (a stateside interlude that ended with our relocation to Bangkok a little over three years later) I went a bit kitchen acquisition crazy. I'd bought virtually nothing for the kitchen since we left the States in 1994 and reacted by going overboard. These turkey turners are the most useless of my useless tool acquisitions during that heady period.

They're useless not only because turkey is never on the menu here at Chez Eckhardt-Hagerman in Kuala Lumpur, but also because piercing a turkey's skin is exactly what you don't want to do when you turn it. You want to keep that skin intact, holding all the lovely juices in. And, as I learned the first (and last) time I used these things, they're damn unwieldy when you're trying to maneuver a sixteen-pound carcass. Two wads of paper towel accomplish the job much more efficiently.

I guess the only question is, since I haven't used these things since November 1998, why do they still occupy space in my kitchen drawer? More to the point, why have I moved them from San Fran to Bangkok, from Bangkok to Saigon, and from Saigon to KL?

Into the bin with them.

Update: Apparently us useless kitchen tool owners are asked to also name our most useful kitchen tools. That's easy: an excellent knife, a knife sharpener, a good cutting board, a mortar and pestle or other grinding mechanism, and a silicone spatula (doubles as spoony thing and spatula to cook with).

Comments

[Kitt]

Ha! Might work for turning a tied-up roast, too. But silicone hot pads or mitts would be better. More control, and more uses. And you can toss those in the dishwasher, too.

I just started my own silly gadgets series last week with training wheel chopsticks:

http://kittbo.blogspot.com/2008/04/silly-kitchen-gadget-no-1.html

Found your blog just recently (can't remember how, sorry). Enjoying reading it!

[Leah]

They look like garden implements... might work well as weeders.

Or to make holes on a cake for sousing with liquer or milk as in tres leches.

Or as part of your devil costume for halloween. :-)

[Robyn]

Hi Kitt - we don't do too many roasts here in Malaysia. ;-) Glad you're enjoying the blog!

Leah - yes, I thought of the devil costume thing too. Tried to get the cat to pose with one of these but he didn't like his devil horns.

[luckyfatluke]

useless kitchen equipment cracks me up every time. Remember those electric turkey shearers, dear oh dear. Ive been trying to tell people for years to make their thai curry pastes in a big mortar and pestle. 'Ahh but its so much quicker to whizz it in a blender, they cry'. Yes and inferior, besides who gets the last laugh when it comes to washing up. It goes for most of the 'slicy' type stuff. Sure you can cut an egg in 2000 pieces in one move, but youve got to clean 2000 fiddly little blades. Learn to use a knife. Once again I voice my culinary gripes on your website. Apologies!

[Robyn]

luckyfatluke - I agree about mortar and pestle, though I have to admit that sometimes I do resort to the blender. And am never really satisfied with the result. Basil pesto pounded in a mortar is so much better than food processor stuff it's almost like apples and oranges.

And I agree about getting to know your knife. I rarely resort to my 22-year-old Cuisinart anymore although if I have 4 or 5 onions to roughly chop it does come in handy. But a knife and cutting board can take care of garlic etc in less time than it takes to get out, assemble, use, and then wash the mini chopper.

[Dan Scither]

haha, I have never seen a turkey turner, didn't know it existed! I love to cook!